I know my major is no rocket science or stem cell research but its not something easy either. Just because I’m a designer doesn’t make me unintelligent. People who doesn’t know a thing about architecture and interior design shouldn’t be judging. It’s not a thing that you can just sit there for 3-4 hours and have it done. It’s not a mathematical procedure that already has a layout for you to solve. Designing is creating something out of nothing and the problem arises in the process. It’s not that I’m incapable of doing my work or grasping the knowledge. My problem is timing. I don’t have enough time. And with technology there’s always complication. I hate how people who doesn’t understand a shit and look at my work and say they could do better. Put your hands where your mouth is and show me you could do better. Cuz words means nothing to me. That is why I’m a designer.
Here I am reaching out to you but all I can see is you drifting further away. From the beginning, there was a reason to my anonymity, I wasn’t expecting anything. I just needed someone to console in but you were persistent and insisted that I revealed myself. Then you personalize things which developed emotions. You lured me in and now I’m attached but not in a romantic type of way. I just want someone i can talk to, someone who is always there, when i feel sad or lost, when i feel the world is falling apart and you’re the only one who can make it all better, when i feel nothing. I just wanted to be your friend but you’ve complicated things, you’ve built a wall, so high, so far out of reach that I cant seem to get over, physically and mentally. You’re manipulative and a compulsive liar. You played with my emotion and even though we really don’t know each other, it still hurts.
See thats my problem, I’m one of those people who gets easily attached. I easily consider people as friends so I let my guards down, not because Im naive but I was hoping you’d become one of those people that I can trust. Clearly that was a mistake. Maybe you’re right, things do happen for a reason but let me tell you, in the end, its what you’ve decide to do from there that consider your endgame. Sorry to say, but you’ve ended this pretty badly.
You longed for the feeling of being loved, begged for that type of person that would always be by your side unconditionally and whole hearted but in my opinion, all you long for is attention. Your personals consist of travesties and long poems to make others believe that you’re always the victim of a relationship. Darling, you may have a pretty face and an intellectual set of vocabulary but no poetic construction is going to cover up that rotten personality. You’ve made the world your enemy when all it wants is to embrace your soul and mend your heart. I believe in second chances, sweetie, give your heart a second chance to let others in. People come and go but each one slowly mends your heart depending on how you let them heal. Every good moment a person brings is a patch on that rock of yours called a heart. Our hearts are not made of stone, don’t make it so difficult for others to touch, in the end, you’ll be surprised.
I ask myself “why do I even bother” but in the end I find myself doing the same thing over and over again, caring way too much.